AFFAIRS OF THE HEART

She looked into the sea of faces trying to spot her father who had promised to be there for her graduation.Her room mate also batch mate nudged her on,he will be watching,her eyes seemed to say.

No--he just cannot help himself,she felt her heart sinking as it did each time he promised but failed to act on it.

Maybe she looked too much like her mother who had left him almost 18 years ago to carve a life for herself.

             Soon she was wearing the ceremonial hat and cloak ,was proclaimed a graduate and walked down the podium.Her group cheered as she was a popular figure,always helpful and kind. Only she knew it was an act,she needed them as much as they needed her,to fill in the long lonely nights,holidays,weekends..The only communication she received was a financial statement ,with a predictable balance as she hardly spent the money he sent her..I need your love and involvement not the money she cried to herself.

   They were to meet at the bottom at far end of the stage to the right.She walked there morosely almost in tears.The hand on her shoulders and the enveloping hug startled her.Looking around,her face tear streaked she dared to guess who the dignified,gently smiling,sari clad figure could be.Yes,herself in another 25 years,the similarity startled her.They hugged and soon were talking each trying to fill in the words describing close to two decades of separation,when they never communicated.Why her eyes questioned,only to know her heart telling her that she had stayed away so her father would raise her without conflict..But why was what she decided she wanted the answer to.
The smiling face of her mother soothed her .She looked to be at peace with herself.Eat,she chided gently,we have the entire life ahead to discuss whats troubling you,she said quietly.Watching her order vegetarian items from the menu,she looked her over, streaked greying hair,in a neat bob style that suited her small animated face,black beautifully lashed eyes that twinkled and danced as she placed her order in a musical tone.The waitress was explaining the menu in detail and seemed glad to know someone who was familiar with Indian dishes.Soon they enjoyed crisp paper dosas,pulav,filter coffee and sweet rosagollas.The falooda was so delicious and she felt quite light headed and sleepy.We will talk tomorrow,we are both exhausted today ,the big event is successfully over she said..Oh NO..what about her father,he had not even called.Let us go to the hotel,she guided her to a stately sedan which she drove effortlessly to the apartment.Sleep overcame her excitement and she dozed fitfully.
          Snippets of conversation played in her mind.It was that time when one is semi conscious but loath to wake up.Her grand mother a very dominating figure in her preteen life seemed to be furious at her father.Repeated questions to her father did not yield any answers.Then she was sent to school away from the family.The catch has to be there she reasoned.Mild,even tempered ,gracious mother and a quiet,introvert father who spent all his time with his students and research work.what had kept them apart.Her throbbing head demanded a cup of strong coffee.
Just the way you like it ,her mother handed her the cup filled with steaming filter coffee.How did she even know what I like.she wondered.The upma and chutni was delicious.,Mysorepak hmmm she again looked at her mother who was picking the diamond shaped pieces,perfectly browned,streaked,the colors and aroma tickling her tastebuds.
  Run and shower,we have a visitor coming soon was the gentle prompt.No ordering,bossing,raised tone,well she was an adult and a graduate who would be signing into her first job in a weeks time.

His aftershave alerted her,as she walked in to find her mother handing a perfect cup of coffee to her father who smiled at her.Well done dear,we are proud of you,he handed her a small jewellery set.
They spoke in unison,almost choreographed,she felt an odd sense of deja vu?
What was happening seemed like a replay of life in its normal course..then why did she feel a sense of loss?
Almost there but not completely,the newspaper was open,he was checking out the front page she the mid section almost as if they has been doing it all along,Confused,she sat down sipping the orange juice her fathers choice she decided.
          Her mother began softly.She had joined as an intern when at the research facility to pursue post graduate studies.Staying up late to tabulate a tissue culture she was recording,she had been held against her will and molested by an exchange student from Asia,Terrified,hurting,he found her weeping as she could not even go back to her hometown.Knowing her plight ,he had dismissed the student.She was with child and her values could not allow her to terminate  a life.He ,who had suffered from a virus attack during childhood knew he could never father a child.The marriage led to raised eyebrows and a lot of speculation,She had moved to another University to complete her thesis.His mother had refused to accept her as a daughter in law,and was against the child.He however did give her his name but the constant friction caused by the old lady was affecting the little one.She moved out and peace reigned.They decided that she should not suffer the constant change of houses,weekend shifting,to and fro schedules.He would hire nannies to care for her welfare and her mother moved away to continue her scientific studies.
     They each progressed in their chosen field ,she was a professor doing molecular research.
He was director of the Institute of Scientific studies.Twenty years of dedicated research,they were both well received and prominent scientists in their chosen field.Of course they had been in touch
   It all made sense.The old lady had just passed.her parents were never divorced,so they were moving in together again.
This was her graduation present.
Her cup of joy brimmed over.       
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