Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Random acts of care
"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees"
~ Amelia Earhart
She inhaled the camphor from the small scentsy vial that he had given her the day he came to stay.
It calmed her when she got upset or worried, which was most of the Time.
She worried so much about just how he would strike out on his own. Life was tough enough , he was an exchange student from a developing country who would eat only vegan food.
He understood her anxiety.
She was lonely, a widow who rented out a room that was her late husbands office room that she had converted into a boarding so she could have some company to keep away the loneliness that overwhelmed her.
THE POEM THAT HEALED
There lies a valley deep within
The tangled jungles of the universe
The center of the four corners of the Star system
Where faeries live and songs do tell
Of a crystal sun and painted clouds
Mermaid fins and dolphin waves
Wales singing in the deepest of blue
Songs of old and songs of new
This valley and this sacred beach
Do speak to many
To many she shall teach
The ways of old the respect of Gaia
Reminding us children of her magnificent self
Giving always nurturing with her touch
Her smell and her sound
Her heartbeat forever radiating from the soft ground
I love you Mother
I hear you in your Valley
In the wind and in the trees
In the glowing rainbow breeze.
In the sunsets and dewy dawn
In the bird song and windswept lawn
In the silence of the long summer nights
In the twitter of early morn
I am here for you- O Mother of mine
Bloodlines are not needed
To entwine, love and understanding
Wins every time.
She found this poem addressed to her and felt the peace she was craving for all along.
Her husband smiled as she now had a living soul to mother and nurture again.
She worried so much about just how he would strike out on his own. Life was tough enough , he was an exchange student from a developing country who would eat only vegan food.
He understood her anxiety.
She was lonely, a widow who rented out a room that was her late husbands office room that she had converted into a boarding so she could have some company to keep away the loneliness that overwhelmed her.
THE POEM THAT HEALED
There lies a valley deep within
The tangled jungles of the universe
The center of the four corners of the Star system
Where faeries live and songs do tell
Of a crystal sun and painted clouds
Mermaid fins and dolphin waves
Wales singing in the deepest of blue
Songs of old and songs of new
This valley and this sacred beach
Do speak to many
To many she shall teach
The ways of old the respect of Gaia
Reminding us children of her magnificent self
Giving always nurturing with her touch
Her smell and her sound
Her heartbeat forever radiating from the soft ground
I love you Mother
I hear you in your Valley
In the wind and in the trees
In the glowing rainbow breeze.
In the sunsets and dewy dawn
In the bird song and windswept lawn
In the silence of the long summer nights
In the twitter of early morn
I am here for you- O Mother of mine
Bloodlines are not needed
To entwine, love and understanding
Wins every time.
She found this poem addressed to her and felt the peace she was craving for all along.
Her husband smiled as she now had a living soul to mother and nurture again.
Monday, June 6, 2016
Saturday, August 22, 2015
The sound of silence
Responsibility often arrives shrouded in uncertainty.He was the oldest in the family of 9 members.
Just 18, having lit his fathers funeral pyre, he walked back home with a heavy heart.
Unable to cry or even feel anymore, he sat along the grassy shores of the flowing stream, gazing into the gentle waters.
Throwing a pebble into it, he watched as the ripples caused by the impact send ever expanding circle of waves patterned across the blue sky and green coconut trees reflected in the clear waters.
Reflecting, his mind flashed back.
The family bathed and played here, his parents always led the children to the water everyday to wash and clean themselves. Mother with a lot of sweet smelling jasmine flowers in her black, wavy, oiled, long lustrous hair, her serene face with a hint of smile, a song hovering on her lips.
She chanted vedic mantras or hummed to the classical music that played at the temple festivals. He wondered how she managed the family of 7 children. As an army man, father was home just for three weeks in a year but she always had them all clean, fed, clothed and happy.
The telegram shattered their happy household, his mother's pleading looks prompted the postman to read it as she feared the news even as she saw him alighting from his black bicycle. His troubled face and sad eyes gave away the news as she crumbled. The children screamed as the ladies surrounded her.
He heard the wailing, shrill cries and the hush as they whispered and looked at him.
Wiping away tears, he could hear his father telling him he was now the Man of the house.
The youngest twin boys were barely six months old.
Going from boyhood to adulthood in that moment he recalled his father whisper the Gayatri Mantra (holy chant) in his ears during his thread ceremony two years ago.
"You are the oldest male member of the house when I am away, you have to protect everyone''.
Heart throbbing, he decided a career in Medicine as planned was out of question, he had to join the Army to keep the family together. Mother could not accept the job entitled to the family on sympathetic grounds, the younger children needed her presence in everyday life.
His sister, a year younger, slipped quietly by his side and held his trembling hand that had lit the pyre. "Our father was proud and honest, true and just, we have to cherish his memory and hold our heads high as he died a hero, defending our Nation" she whispered.
They made a pact, she would take charge of their mother and all the little ones, he would accept the position of entitlement from the Army so he would get paid, they could all go to school and keep the house allotted. The family pension and her income as teacher, with his salary and entitlement of housing would keep them together.
Gently they guided the younger ones home.
He was a commissioned Army Doctor, she a Professor in Mathematics.
The younger children flourished under the stern discipline of their indomitable mother who shouldered the new role of both parents smoothly. The family was close knit, the tiny twins kept them smiling and focused. Everyone did their bit - milking cows, delivering newspapers, threading flowers to be sold at the temple arena, stitching clothes and household garments, taking care of children when parents needed time off...all honest yet paying work. The community helped, always calling on the family for any work that was needed and did not grudge paying as each member did sincere work.
Their loving mother surprised her two oldest by bringing together her son and a recently widowed young lady and also talking her daughter into agreeing to wed the bachelor veterinarian who had waited all along for this day.
The younger siblings were all settled by then, the next generation of children were nurtured by the Major and the Professor.
The still smiling, loving Grandma was always there for them all, every evening the family gathered to pay their obeisance to the Grand Hero (grandfather) who even in death had provided the means for his family to live on..
Respect, responsibility and family bonds weathered many sacrifices to create progress and harmony.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
my dad never left me
A Childs poem -
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her,
That she should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seat.
One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak..
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike..
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart'
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see, he was a soldier
And died, just this, past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught, us all to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,'
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed flower.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mummy tried to tell her,
That she should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seat.
One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.
'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.'
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak..
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
'My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike..
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart'
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see, he was a soldier
And died, just this, past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught, us all to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
'I know you're with me Daddy,'
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed flower.
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
Keep a seashell close to your ear
Keep a seashell close to your ear.
Is it the sea or the ocean?
Neither is it the sea nor is it the ocean
The sound is your blood surging.
The next 24 hours were crucial, it was make or break time.
He knew also that the law of averages was in his favor if he held his nerve.
He knew also that the law of averages was in his favor if he held his nerve.
The determination and desire to excel welled up in him.
Check list - formal clothes, tie and shoes borrowed from his room mate (he vowed to replace it), briefcase with his documents, passport, driving license, all were in order.
Now he had to see it to the logical end, he echoed silently.
Check list - formal clothes, tie and shoes borrowed from his room mate (he vowed to replace it), briefcase with his documents, passport, driving license, all were in order.
Now he had to see it to the logical end, he echoed silently.
The throng of job hunters seemed endless. Determined to keep his cool, he sent up a prayer and joined the long line of job seekers at the Employment Opportunity Fair he was attending with his close fiend Shankar.
The ear splitting wail of the ambulance had them scattering in all directions.
Some one was seriously injured, intuitively he started running behind the ambulance, totally ignoring the shouts of his well meaning friend, Shankar.
The hospital was just a block away in the crowded market and he saw Mr. Menon being lifted and carried in, blood dripping amidst shouts of 'Make way, move out.'
I have to be there, he decided as he saw the white faces of family members.
The ear splitting wail of the ambulance had them scattering in all directions.
Some one was seriously injured, intuitively he started running behind the ambulance, totally ignoring the shouts of his well meaning friend, Shankar.
The hospital was just a block away in the crowded market and he saw Mr. Menon being lifted and carried in, blood dripping amidst shouts of 'Make way, move out.'
I have to be there, he decided as he saw the white faces of family members.
They
needed blood now was the verdict flashed on the Hospital display board.
He volunteered and went inside praying with an intensity he had not summoned even for the interview. The wait seemed endless, watching the family huddled together, he remembered their kindness when he was orphaned, how they had taken him in and made him partake of all the daily meals.
Almost four hours later Menons' son, Balan walked out with the doctor from the ICU theater.
Smiles all around. Miraculously the patient had survived and was now stable.
He left as silently as he came without talking to anyone there.
He volunteered and went inside praying with an intensity he had not summoned even for the interview. The wait seemed endless, watching the family huddled together, he remembered their kindness when he was orphaned, how they had taken him in and made him partake of all the daily meals.
Almost four hours later Menons' son, Balan walked out with the doctor from the ICU theater.
Smiles all around. Miraculously the patient had survived and was now stable.
He left as silently as he came without talking to anyone there.
The
queue was almost over but Shankar stood there looking out for his
friend.
"Come on, made it by the skin of your teeth, he whispered. Go on in, here I have filled out the forms, do well".
"Come on, made it by the skin of your teeth, he whispered. Go on in, here I have filled out the forms, do well".
So saying, Shankar moved
aside.
He walked in head held high, his answers were crisp and to the
point.
"You have stated that your focus, determination to see things through, eye for detail and confidence as well as academic performance is your conviction that you are the person for the vacancy we have. Why were you not here when your name was announced?"
Silence filled the room, he remembered his deceased mother's refrain to never make excuses.
"You have stated that your focus, determination to see things through, eye for detail and confidence as well as academic performance is your conviction that you are the person for the vacancy we have. Why were you not here when your name was announced?"
Silence filled the room, he remembered his deceased mother's refrain to never make excuses.
'My sincere apologies sir' was the quiet reply.
Walking back he met Shankar, they silently made their way back home, each deep into his own thoughts.
The white envelope looked too heavy to be a reject letter, he decided as later in the week he slit open the official intimation. He had been selected as project assistant at the Informatics Center in the heart of Chennai. Shankar too beamed as he waved his own selection letter and hugged him.
" I knew you would be selected, brother" he whispered.
But what, how? The signature made little sense to him then as he thanked Fate for his selection.
The CEO was an entrepreneur who studied the everyday happenings in and around the marketplace. He heard discussions of how a young man had saved a life and was the talk of the town. A brief inquiry revealed details.
The honesty of the lad who had accepted his being late for the appointment that day without showcasing his action as an excuse or achievement touched a nerve in his memory.
His rare honesty made him a worthy addition to the Company.
The young boy went on to become a respected and honored senior member of the Company and an asset to the Nation.
The young boy went on to become a respected and honored senior member of the Company and an asset to the Nation.
Gratitude and a sense of self worth helps one succeed in Life.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Not a cloud in the sky
Not a cloud in the sky.
Well that was the precise sentence she had from her, nothing more.
What does one conclude. She has adjusted to life and all is smooth sailing? Does this mean no cares or worries? Or too much sun or not enough rain or..stop-this is not helping.
Brooding, she looked over the vast acreage they owned. Her passionate involvement in the numerous plants and assorted pots of various sizes, the orchids and decorative plants were a thing of the past.
She was listless, depressed, moody and almost suicidal. Her head hurt and she developed a severe sense of pain. The sorrow seemed to emerge from the pit of her stomach. The sense of something wrong, the feeling that she had not stepped up to stop the events deepened each time she looked at the display of photos on the mantle, walls, now even her phone screen saver.
The laughter and constant humming, radiant smile, vivid
impersonations of her only daughter haunted her. After a hasty
marriage she was not ready for, she had been whisked to a far off land (though she had
declared she wanted to work as a medical intern in the rural areas to bring relief to the suffering in her homeland). Closing her eyes
to shut out the images, she slipped into the past.
Happy, carefree and dainty described her beautiful daughter. So diametrically different, she was nothing like her own self but her salvation from a loveless, arranged marriage.
Quite her opposite, she mused as she saw herself almost 22 years ago.
Dark swarthy complexion, beak nosed, bulging eyes, buck teeth was her opinion of herself.
Born to into a rich family after
almost 15 years of marriage when they had given up hope, she was doted
upon by her parents.
Her looks soon had her cowering and ill at ease.
The Convent school she attended was her salvation, she hid herself among books and would spend hours by herself in the make believe world. Graduating with top honors, she continued her studies till she earned her doctorate in literature. Along the way she her looks improved, the teeth were tamed, the eyes had contacts, her dark looks seemed in vogue, and the groom who came wooing seemed smitten by her. Her total lack of self-worth had her still shying away from Life.
So, she was quick to conclude that it was her affluence and not looks that was the draw. Her complete lack of social graces had her agreeing to the match selected by her aged parents.
She had no idea how she looked, only what her parents told her about herself.
Yes, her intuition had been so right.
So what had transpired twenty two years ago? She remembered the joy and thrill of the wedding night, the honeymoon week they had spent at Ooty-Kodaikanal, the immense happiness she felt when they returned home, the plans they had made.
Suddenly everything soured, he moved out, went abroad for further study, they lost touch.Why had she not tried to connect and find the reason, the nagging sense that somehow she had been manipulated grew.
Snatches of conversation, innocent looks, absence of mail, excessive intrusion of her parents, their overpowering influence in her life..something seemed wrong.
She had felt it but her intuitive trust and faith in her parents and her own lack of confidence in herself had her believe everything they told her.
She lacked looks, grace, beauty but they loved her anyway, was their only chant.
The attic held all the correspondence, her father had closet he always kept locked.
She determinedly traced the key, opened the vault and with growing trepidation decided she must now know the truth.
Hmm -- bills, passbooks,
Why was she unaware of this correspondence!!
Four hours later she felt her heart still thudding at the shocking revelation.
It was all there, the countless letters he had written.
Her parents had kept them all hidden away so she would believe she had been abandoned.
They wanted to keep her and the baby with them so their life would have meaning.They did not even think how their selfish motive had wrecked havoc in her life and her daughters life too.
So what else had she ignored?
The time her daughter had been away during her stint at medical college had seemed so lonely and frightening. A conversation about the absent husband and father had come up but she had hushed it up as she did not want to lose her daughter.
Well..so she had done just what her parents had and that had been wrong.
Oh no! what a mess, she decided to get in touch with her husband who she had not spoken to since the three months after her own wedding.
'Hello..is this # --- --- ----?' A silence that seemed like music to her ears, she remembered his slow drawing of breath.
' I have been waiting to hear from you ' was all he said.
Tears welling she hesitatingly narrated the story, He did not interrupt.
The door bell pealed and she
heard the sound of the postman. He said softly-'Go, get the post,that is
your ticket sent by our daughter. She figured out what had happened and we decided to take the chance that you would be willing to come here, away from the bonds that kept us apart all these years.'
Their son in law was his sisters son. She had always been in touch, keeping the youngsters connected. The two had decided willingly to get married but feared a repeat of the happenings two decades and two years ago. She was overcome with joy when she heard her daughters voice.
'Amma..all is fine here now.'Not a cloud in the sky--
Please do come and join us, we are waiting for you. The flight leaves at midnight tonight.
Heart thudding she looked around with a sense of dawning realization that reality and not dreams were playing out.
Her tears now overflowed.
The wait was finally over.
Well that was the precise sentence she had from her, nothing more.
What does one conclude. She has adjusted to life and all is smooth sailing? Does this mean no cares or worries? Or too much sun or not enough rain or..stop-this is not helping.
Brooding, she looked over the vast acreage they owned. Her passionate involvement in the numerous plants and assorted pots of various sizes, the orchids and decorative plants were a thing of the past.
She was listless, depressed, moody and almost suicidal. Her head hurt and she developed a severe sense of pain. The sorrow seemed to emerge from the pit of her stomach. The sense of something wrong, the feeling that she had not stepped up to stop the events deepened each time she looked at the display of photos on the mantle, walls, now even her phone screen saver.
Happy, carefree and dainty described her beautiful daughter. So diametrically different, she was nothing like her own self but her salvation from a loveless, arranged marriage.
Quite her opposite, she mused as she saw herself almost 22 years ago.
Dark swarthy complexion, beak nosed, bulging eyes, buck teeth was her opinion of herself.
Her looks soon had her cowering and ill at ease.
The Convent school she attended was her salvation, she hid herself among books and would spend hours by herself in the make believe world. Graduating with top honors, she continued her studies till she earned her doctorate in literature. Along the way she her looks improved, the teeth were tamed, the eyes had contacts, her dark looks seemed in vogue, and the groom who came wooing seemed smitten by her. Her total lack of self-worth had her still shying away from Life.
So, she was quick to conclude that it was her affluence and not looks that was the draw. Her complete lack of social graces had her agreeing to the match selected by her aged parents.
She had no idea how she looked, only what her parents told her about herself.
Yes, her intuition had been so right.
He only wanted
money and a ticket to pursue higher education in the US of A.
Within 3 months of marriage, he left for higher education, fully sponsored by her parents, of course with the understanding that she would soon join him.
Then came the excuses, can she come after a few months so he could settle down, he would send her the dependent visa.
She watched him manipulating them but was silent, as she was with child. She did not even question why he did not connect with her directly, her parents shielded her at every turn.
The beautiful little bundle who was born almost nine months to the day of their union was her pride and joy. Dainty, bright and inquisitive, she was sunshine, warming every one she connected with.
Never having met her father who stayed back in the land he had been sent to as a dowry for a marriage he was talked into by his parents, he had displayed no interest to know more about his family.
The child grew up with her grand parents an her mother, they were a close knit unit.
Years flew by, the loving grand parents passed, mother and daughter who looked more like siblings, were like two sides of the coin, one bright and cheery ,the other dark and brooding.
Their idyllic time seemed too good to last, she often looked over her shoulder to see if the clouds that seemed to threaten their existence would drown their life.
Medicine seemed the only choice, the girl with the magic touch who could charm every person she connected with, selected the profession that needed most healing and excelled in her chosen field.
Then came the bombshell.
The father who so far had been non existent decided he wanted his only daughter to wed the person he choose for her. Everything had been arranged and the date set, it was a word of honor and she was forced to agree.
Why oh why had she been silent for so long.
She should have filed for desertion long back, then the situation would have been averted. She still did not fully comprehend what transpired, was it a dream, the sense of some imminent change still haunted her.
The realization that she had not actually gone into the details each time gripped her. Quelling her panic, she decided to go over the events again in an objective way.
Within 3 months of marriage, he left for higher education, fully sponsored by her parents, of course with the understanding that she would soon join him.
Then came the excuses, can she come after a few months so he could settle down, he would send her the dependent visa.
She watched him manipulating them but was silent, as she was with child. She did not even question why he did not connect with her directly, her parents shielded her at every turn.
The beautiful little bundle who was born almost nine months to the day of their union was her pride and joy. Dainty, bright and inquisitive, she was sunshine, warming every one she connected with.
Never having met her father who stayed back in the land he had been sent to as a dowry for a marriage he was talked into by his parents, he had displayed no interest to know more about his family.
The child grew up with her grand parents an her mother, they were a close knit unit.
Years flew by, the loving grand parents passed, mother and daughter who looked more like siblings, were like two sides of the coin, one bright and cheery ,the other dark and brooding.
Their idyllic time seemed too good to last, she often looked over her shoulder to see if the clouds that seemed to threaten their existence would drown their life.
Medicine seemed the only choice, the girl with the magic touch who could charm every person she connected with, selected the profession that needed most healing and excelled in her chosen field.
Then came the bombshell.
The father who so far had been non existent decided he wanted his only daughter to wed the person he choose for her. Everything had been arranged and the date set, it was a word of honor and she was forced to agree.
Why oh why had she been silent for so long.
She should have filed for desertion long back, then the situation would have been averted. She still did not fully comprehend what transpired, was it a dream, the sense of some imminent change still haunted her.
The realization that she had not actually gone into the details each time gripped her. Quelling her panic, she decided to go over the events again in an objective way.
So what had transpired twenty two years ago? She remembered the joy and thrill of the wedding night, the honeymoon week they had spent at Ooty-Kodaikanal, the immense happiness she felt when they returned home, the plans they had made.
Suddenly everything soured, he moved out, went abroad for further study, they lost touch.Why had she not tried to connect and find the reason, the nagging sense that somehow she had been manipulated grew.
Snatches of conversation, innocent looks, absence of mail, excessive intrusion of her parents, their overpowering influence in her life..something seemed wrong.
She had felt it but her intuitive trust and faith in her parents and her own lack of confidence in herself had her believe everything they told her.
She lacked looks, grace, beauty but they loved her anyway, was their only chant.
The attic held all the correspondence, her father had closet he always kept locked.
She determinedly traced the key, opened the vault and with growing trepidation decided she must now know the truth.
Hmm -- bills, passbooks,
Why was she unaware of this correspondence!!
Four hours later she felt her heart still thudding at the shocking revelation.
It was all there, the countless letters he had written.
Her parents had kept them all hidden away so she would believe she had been abandoned.
They wanted to keep her and the baby with them so their life would have meaning.They did not even think how their selfish motive had wrecked havoc in her life and her daughters life too.
So what else had she ignored?
The time her daughter had been away during her stint at medical college had seemed so lonely and frightening. A conversation about the absent husband and father had come up but she had hushed it up as she did not want to lose her daughter.
Well..so she had done just what her parents had and that had been wrong.
Oh no! what a mess, she decided to get in touch with her husband who she had not spoken to since the three months after her own wedding.
'Hello..is this # --- --- ----?' A silence that seemed like music to her ears, she remembered his slow drawing of breath.
' I have been waiting to hear from you ' was all he said.
Tears welling she hesitatingly narrated the story, He did not interrupt.
your ticket sent by our daughter. She figured out what had happened and we decided to take the chance that you would be willing to come here, away from the bonds that kept us apart all these years.'
Their son in law was his sisters son. She had always been in touch, keeping the youngsters connected. The two had decided willingly to get married but feared a repeat of the happenings two decades and two years ago. She was overcome with joy when she heard her daughters voice.
'Amma..all is fine here now.'Not a cloud in the sky--
Please do come and join us, we are waiting for you. The flight leaves at midnight tonight.
Heart thudding she looked around with a sense of dawning realization that reality and not dreams were playing out.
Her tears now overflowed.
The wait was finally over.
light a candle for joy and host a feel for life
Meditate to establish a psychic link between the candle and yourself. Be specific in what you ask for . Do not use candles to put negative energy onto others. Always be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
Black: Used in rituals to induce a deep state of meditation, to protect and/or to ward off negativity. Can be used to banish evil or negativity as in uncrossing rituals; attracts Saturn energy. Burning black with any other color is said to dissolve all negative energy.
Blue: The primary spiritual color is used to obtain wisdom, harmony, inner light, or peace; confers truth and guidance. Other uses include healing, sleep, creativity, perception, calming wisdom, truth, loyalty, dreams, and the examination of emotions. Some say it represents the divine mother.
Blue (Dark): Promotes laughter and joy as well as loyalty. Can be used to attract Jupiter energy, or whenever an influence needs to be increased. Confers wisdom and self-awareness. Can be calming and assist sleep. Also used to influence truth, dreams, emotions, and loyalty.
Blue (Light): Another very spiritual color: it is used to increase peace, tranquility, patience, and calmness. It radiates Aquarian energy and can be used in devotional or inspirational meditations; employ where a situation must be synthesized.
Blue (Royal): Mostly used to confer wisdom, protection, and good fortune. Increases spiritual awareness. Also increases communication, which can cause change. Can bring about a deep meditational state. Used in rituals that need increased Saturn energy.
Brown: This is an earthy, well-balanced color used for rituals of material increase. It is said to eliminate indecisiveness and improve powers of concentration, study, and/or telepathy, increases financial success. Also represents the home. Some say those born under Capricorn will be more potent in their work using it.
Gold: Fosters understanding and is said to bring about fast luck or money. Represents solar energy. It is used to heal all inner wounds, also to confer prosperity, wealth, attraction, enlightenment, protection and the Divine Mother.
Green: Promotes prosperity, fertility, and success. Stimulates good luck, can increase money, harmony, and rejuvenation. Also represents Healing, health, and growth. Can be an important component in rituals involving Venus; attracts love, and social delights.
Green (Dark): Color of ambition, greed, and jealousy. Used to counteract these influences in a ritual. Also relates to personal goals.
Gray: Useful when pondering complex issues. Can neutralize negative influences without repercussions. Represents balance, encourages stability, helps develop psychic abilities. In magic, this color often sparks confusion; it also can negate or neutralize a negative influence.
Indigo: This is the color of inertia; stops situations or people; best used in rituals that require a deep meditational state. Also stimulates Saturnian energy.
Magenta: This is a combination of red and violet that oscillates on a high frequency. It’s used to energize rituals where immediate action and high levels of power or spiritual healing are required.
Orange: Used as a balancing element. Promotes mental agility, energy, success and stamina. It’s used to affect legal matters, success, action and promotion. Gives encouragement, adaptability and stimulation. Cleanses negative attitudes, situations and places.
Peach: Promotes restoration and rejuvenation. Confers a softness and gentleness.
Pink: Represents emotions from the heart and raises energies. This is the standard for all rituals that are used to draw love.
Pink (Dark): Represents friends and family, and healing in the family. Promotes romance, and friendship, brings hope. Can promote restful sleep.
Pink (Light): Represents devotion, love, tenderness and faith. Feminine energy.
Purple: Is used to obtain desires, power and success. Can stimulate idealism and psychic manifestations and help make contact with the spiritual world. Increases enthusiasm, desire and power. Is also powerful for healing, and spiritual development. Some attempt to use it for power over others.
Red: Represents physical pleasures. It can stimulate lust, courage, or strength against enemies. Can confer passion, love, and/or respect. Stimulates energy, health, fertility and will power. Draws Aries and Scorpio energy. Increases magnetism in rituals. Infers sex, vibrancy, and survival.
Rose: Rose is great for treating heart ailments, anxiety, depression. Good for people who suffer from nightmares. This graceful color increases admiration, love, friendship, fidelity, and calmness. Can also arouse emotions. It stimulates compassion for self and others, higher mystical powers and humor.
Silver: Encourages stability; helps develop psychic abilities; attracts the influence of the Mother Goddess. Also used to stimulate mental telepathy, clairvoyance, and intuition. Can be used for cancellations and neutrality. Stimulates dreams, female power, and astral energies/projection.
Turquoise: Is a color that can be used for healing, prosperity, peace, growth, awareness, meditation, creativity, neutrality and cancellation. Often used to represent the Goddess.
White: This has the highest consciousness to protect, purify, and heal. Represents truth, unity, protection, peace, purification, happiness, and spirituality. Some say it can be used to replace any color candle in rituals. Used for concentration rituals and meditation work. Lunar energy.
Yellow: Represents attraction, charm, confidence and persuasion. Used to stimulate mental clarity, knowledge and concentration. Also used in healing. Like gold, it can serve for magic and rituals involving solar energies and deities associated with the sun. Stimulates logic, aids in overcoming mental blocks and promoting the self.light a candle for each feeling/color makes it come alive
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