my dad never left me

A Childs poem -

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mummy tried to tell her,
That she  should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.




But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seat.

One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mum.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak..
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike..
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart'

With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.

You see, he was a soldier
And died, just this, past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught, us all to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,'
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed flower.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.

Keep a seashell close to your ear

 Keep a seashell close to your ear.

The sound you hear 
Is it the sea or  the ocean?
Neither is it the sea nor is it the ocean
The sound is your blood surging.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next 24 hours were crucial, it was make or break time.
He knew also that the law of averages was in his favor if he held his nerve.

The determination and  desire to excel welled up in him.
Check list -  formal clothes, tie and shoes borrowed from his room mate (he vowed to replace it), briefcase with his documents, passport, driving license, all were in order.
Now he had to see it to the logical end, he echoed silently.

The throng of job hunters seemed endless. Determined to keep his cool, he sent up a prayer and joined the long line of job seekers at the Employment Opportunity Fair he was attending with his close fiend Shankar.
The ear splitting wail of the ambulance had them scattering in all directions.
Some one was seriously injured, intuitively he started running behind the ambulance, totally ignoring the shouts of his well meaning friend, Shankar.
The hospital was just a block away in the crowded market and he saw Mr. Menon being lifted and carried in, blood dripping amidst shouts of 'Make way, move out.'
I have to be there, he decided as he saw the white faces of family members.
 

They needed blood now was the verdict flashed on the Hospital display board.

He volunteered and went inside praying with an intensity he had not summoned even for the interview. The wait seemed endless, watching the family huddled  together, he remembered their kindness when he was orphaned, how they had taken him in and made him partake of all the daily meals.

Almost four hours later Menons' son, Balan walked out with the doctor from the ICU theater. 
Smiles all around. Miraculously the patient had survived and was now stable.

He left as silently as he came without talking to anyone there.
 

The queue was almost over but Shankar stood there looking out for his friend.
"Come on, made it by the skin of your teeth, he whispered. Go on in, here I have filled out the forms, do well".

So saying, Shankar moved aside.

He walked in head held high, his answers were crisp and to the point. 

"You have stated that your focus, determination to see things through, eye for detail and confidence as well as academic performance is your conviction that you are the person for the vacancy we have. Why were you not here when your name was announced?"

Silence filled the room, he remembered his deceased mother's  refrain to never make excuses. 

'My sincere apologies sir' was the quiet reply.

Walking back he met Shankar, they silently made their way back home, each deep into his own thoughts.

The white envelope looked too heavy to be a reject letter, he decided as later in the week he slit open the official intimation.  He had been selected as project assistant at the Informatics Center in the heart of Chennai. Shankar too beamed as he waved his own selection letter and hugged him.
" I knew you would be selected, brother" he whispered.

 But what, how? The signature made little sense to him then as he thanked Fate for his selection.

The CEO was an entrepreneur who studied the everyday happenings in and around the marketplace. He heard discussions of how a young man had saved a life and was the talk of the town. A brief inquiry revealed details.

 The honesty of the lad who had accepted his being late for the appointment that day without showcasing his action as an excuse or achievement touched a nerve in his memory.

His rare honesty made him a worthy addition to the Company.


The young boy went on to become a respected and honored senior member of the Company and an asset to the Nation. 

Gratitude and a sense of self worth helps one succeed in Life.

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Not a cloud in the sky

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Not a cloud in the sky

Not a cloud in the sky

Not a cloud in the sky.

Well that was the precise sentence she had from her, nothing more.

What does one conclude. She has adjusted to life and all is smooth sailing? Does this mean no cares or worries? Or too much sun or not enough rain or..stop-this is not helping.

Brooding, she looked over the vast acreage they owned. Her passionate involvement in the numerous plants and assorted pots of various sizes, the orchids and decorative plants were a thing of the past.
She was listless, depressed, moody and almost suicidal. Her head  hurt and she developed a severe sense of pain. The sorrow seemed to emerge from the pit of her stomach. The sense of something wrong, the feeling that she had not stepped up to stop the events deepened each time she looked at the display of photos on the mantle, walls, now even her phone screen saver.

The laughter and constant humming, radiant smile, vivid impersonations of her only daughter haunted her. After a hasty marriage she was not ready for, she had been whisked to a far off land (though she had declared she wanted to work as a medical intern in the rural areas to bring relief to the suffering in her homeland). Closing her eyes to shut out the images, she slipped into the past.
   
 Happy, carefree and dainty described her beautiful daughter. So diametrically different, she was nothing like her own self but her salvation from a loveless, arranged marriage.

 Quite her opposite, she mused as she saw herself almost 22 years ago.
 Dark swarthy complexion, beak nosed, bulging eyes, buck teeth was her opinion of herself.
  

Born to into a rich family after almost 15 years of marriage when they had given up hope, she was doted upon by her parents. 
Her looks soon had her cowering and ill at ease.
The Convent school she attended was her salvation, she hid herself among books and would spend hours by herself in the make believe world. Graduating with top honors, she continued her studies till she earned her doctorate in literature. Along the way she her looks improved, the teeth were tamed, the eyes had contacts, her dark looks seemed in vogue, and the groom who came wooing seemed smitten by her. Her total lack of self-worth had her still shying away from Life.

So, she was quick to conclude that it was her affluence and not looks that was the draw. Her complete lack of social graces had her agreeing to the match selected by her aged parents.
She had no idea how she looked, only what her parents told her about herself. 

Yes, her intuition had been so right.

He only wanted money and a ticket to pursue higher education in the US of A.
Within 3 months of marriage, he left for higher education, fully sponsored by her parents, of course with the understanding that she would soon join him.
Then came the excuses, can she come after a few months so he could settle down, he would send her the dependent visa.
She watched him manipulating them but was silent, as she was with child. She did not even question why he did not connect with her directly, her parents shielded her at every turn.

  The beautiful little bundle who was born almost nine months to the day of their union was her pride and joy. Dainty, bright and inquisitive, she was sunshine, warming every one she connected with.
Never having met her father who stayed back in the land he had been sent to as a dowry for a marriage he was talked into by his parents, he had displayed no interest to know more about his family.
The child grew up with her grand parents an her mother, they were a close knit unit.

Years flew by, the loving grand parents passed, mother and daughter  who looked more like siblings, were like two sides of the coin, one bright and cheery ,the other dark and brooding. 
Their idyllic time seemed too good to last, she often looked over her shoulder to see if the clouds that seemed to threaten their existence would drown their life.

 Medicine seemed the only choice, the girl with the magic touch who could charm every person she connected with, selected the profession that needed most healing and excelled in her chosen field.

Then came the bombshell.
The father who so far had been non existent decided he wanted his only daughter to wed the person he choose for her. Everything had been arranged and the date set, it was a word of honor and she was forced to agree.
 
Why oh why had she been silent for so long.
She should have filed for desertion long back, then the situation would have been averted. She still did not fully comprehend what transpired, was it a dream, the sense of some imminent change still haunted her.

  The realization that she had not actually gone into the details each time gripped her. Quelling her panic, she decided to go over the events again in an objective way.

So what had transpired twenty two years ago? She remembered the joy and thrill of the wedding night, the honeymoon week they had spent at Ooty-Kodaikanal, the immense happiness she felt when they returned home, the plans they had made. 
Suddenly everything soured, he moved out,  went abroad for further study, they lost touch.Why had she not tried to connect and find the reason, the nagging sense that somehow she had been manipulated grew.

 Snatches of conversation, innocent looks, absence of mail, excessive intrusion of her parents, their overpowering influence in her life..something seemed wrong.
She had felt it but her intuitive trust and faith in her parents and her own lack of confidence in herself had her believe everything they told her.
She lacked looks, grace, beauty but they loved her anyway, was their only chant.

The attic held all the correspondence, her father had closet he always kept locked.
She determinedly traced the key, opened the vault and with growing trepidation decided she must now know the truth.
Hmm -- bills, passbooks, cancelled checks..wait a minute..why were they cancelled,she believed he had used them for his studies.The thick wad of unopened letters bearing her name shocked her.

 Why was she unaware of this correspondence!!

Four hours later she felt her heart still thudding at the shocking revelation.

It was all there, the countless letters he had written.
Her parents had kept them all hidden away so she would believe she had been abandoned.
They wanted to keep her and the baby with them so their life would have meaning.They did not even think how their selfish motive had wrecked havoc in her life and her daughters life too.

So what else had she ignored?

The time her daughter had been away during her stint at medical college had seemed so lonely and frightening. A conversation about the absent husband and father had come up but she had hushed it up as she did not want to lose her daughter.

 Well..so she had done just what her parents had and that had been wrong.
Oh no! what a mess, she decided to get in touch with her husband who she had not spoken to since the three months after her own wedding.

'Hello..is this # --- --- ----?' A silence that seemed like music to her ears, she remembered his slow drawing of breath.

' I have been waiting to hear from you ' was all he said.

Tears welling she hesitatingly narrated the story, He did not interrupt.
 

The door bell pealed and she heard the sound of the postman. He said softly-'Go,  get the post,that is
your ticket sent by our daughter. She figured out what had happened and we decided to take the chance that you would be willing to come here, away from the bonds that kept us apart all these years.'

Their son in law was his sisters son. She had always been in touch, keeping the youngsters connected. The two had decided willingly to get married but feared a repeat of the happenings two decades and two years ago. She was overcome with joy when she heard her daughters voice.
'Amma..all is fine here now.'Not a cloud in the sky--
 

Please do come and join us, we are waiting for you. The flight leaves at midnight tonight.
Heart thudding she looked around with a sense of dawning realization that reality and not dreams were playing out.
Her tears now overflowed.
The wait was finally over.

light a candle for joy and host a feel for life

---

For centuries candles of different colors have been burned to attract desired emotions, material wealth, or karma. Candles can be one of the most effective tools used for meditation, rituals and other ceremonies. The size of the candles you use is not important. It is the color and its meaning that matters! Only fresh candles should be used. This avoids issues with candles that have picked up negative energies and vibrations interfering with the ritual or meditation and adversely affecting the outcome. Traditionally, candles should be lit with matches and should be snuffed out, never blown out.

Meditate to establish a psychic link between the candle and yourself. Be specific in what you ask for . Do not use candles to put negative energy onto others. Always be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

 A list of individual candle colors, the meanings, the uses associated with that color.

Black: Used in rituals to induce a deep state of meditation, to protect and/or to ward off negativity. Can be used to banish evil or negativity as in uncrossing rituals; attracts Saturn energy. Burning black with any other color is said to dissolve all negative energy.

Blue: The primary spiritual color is used to obtain wisdom, harmony, inner light, or peace; confers truth and guidance. Other uses include healing, sleep, creativity, perception, calming wisdom, truth, loyalty, dreams, and the examination of emotions. Some say it represents the divine mother.

Blue (Dark): Promotes laughter and joy as well as loyalty. Can be used to attract Jupiter energy, or whenever an influence needs to be increased. Confers wisdom and self-awareness. Can be calming and assist sleep. Also used to influence truth, dreams, emotions, and loyalty.

Blue (Light): Another very spiritual color: it is used to increase peace, tranquility, patience, and calmness. It radiates Aquarian energy and can be used in devotional or inspirational meditations; employ where a situation must be synthesized.

Blue (Royal): Mostly used to confer wisdom, protection, and good fortune. Increases spiritual awareness. Also increases communication, which can cause change. Can bring about a deep meditational state. Used in rituals that need increased Saturn energy.

Brown: This is an earthy, well-balanced color used for rituals of material increase. It is said to eliminate indecisiveness and improve powers of concentration, study, and/or telepathy, increases financial success. Also represents the home. Some say those born under Capricorn will be more potent in their work using it.

Gold: Fosters understanding and is said to bring about fast luck or money. Represents solar energy. It is used to heal all inner wounds, also to confer prosperity, wealth, attraction, enlightenment, protection and the Divine Mother.

Green: Promotes prosperity, fertility, and success. Stimulates good luck, can increase money, harmony, and rejuvenation. Also represents Healing, health, and growth. Can be an important component in rituals involving Venus; attracts love, and social delights.

Green (Dark): Color of ambition, greed, and jealousy. Used to counteract these influences in a ritual. Also relates to personal goals.

Gray: Useful when pondering complex issues. Can neutralize negative influences without repercussions. Represents balance, encourages stability, helps develop psychic abilities. In magic, this color often sparks confusion; it also can negate or neutralize a negative influence.

Indigo: This is the color of inertia; stops situations or people; best used in rituals that require a deep meditational state. Also stimulates Saturnian energy.

Magenta: This is a combination of red and violet that oscillates on a high frequency. It’s used to energize rituals where immediate action and high levels of power or spiritual healing are required.

Orange: Used as a balancing element. Promotes mental agility, energy, success and stamina. It’s used to affect legal matters, success, action and promotion. Gives encouragement, adaptability and stimulation. Cleanses negative attitudes, situations and places.

Peach: Promotes restoration and rejuvenation. Confers a softness and gentleness.

Pink: Represents emotions from the heart and raises energies. This is the standard for all rituals that are used to draw love.

Pink (Dark): Represents friends and family, and healing in the family. Promotes romance, and friendship, brings hope. Can promote restful sleep.

Pink (Light): Represents devotion, love, tenderness and faith. Feminine energy.

Purple: Is used to obtain desires, power and success. Can stimulate idealism and psychic manifestations and help make contact with the spiritual world. Increases enthusiasm, desire and power. Is also powerful for healing, and spiritual development. Some attempt to use it for power over others.

Red: Represents physical pleasures. It can stimulate lust, courage, or strength against enemies. Can confer passion, love, and/or respect. Stimulates energy, health, fertility and will power. Draws Aries and Scorpio energy. Increases magnetism in rituals. Infers sex, vibrancy, and survival.

Rose: Rose is great for treating heart ailments, anxiety, depression. Good for people who suffer from nightmares. This graceful color increases admiration, love, friendship, fidelity, and calmness. Can also arouse emotions. It stimulates compassion for self and others, higher mystical powers and humor.

Silver: Encourages stability; helps develop psychic abilities; attracts the influence of the Mother Goddess. Also used to stimulate mental telepathy, clairvoyance, and intuition. Can be used for cancellations and neutrality. Stimulates dreams, female power, and astral energies/projection.

Turquoise: Is a color that can be used for healing, prosperity, peace, growth, awareness, meditation, creativity, neutrality and cancellation. Often used to represent the Goddess.

White: This has the highest consciousness to protect, purify, and heal. Represents truth, unity, protection, peace, purification, happiness, and spirituality. Some say it can be used to replace any color candle in rituals. Used for concentration rituals and meditation work. Lunar energy.

Yellow: Represents attraction, charm, confidence and persuasion. Used to stimulate mental clarity, knowledge and concentration. Also used in healing. Like gold, it can serve for magic and rituals involving solar energies and deities associated with the sun. Stimulates logic, aids in overcoming mental blocks and promoting the self.light a candle for each feeling/color makes it come alive

The light shines from within

Nothing can dim the light which shines from within..

The faith and deep affection he had for his mother, the lessons in concentration, ethics, discipline and dedication he had learned at her insistence now stood him in good stead.

Her story, she had once narrated to him, enfolds as below.

She had faced a crushing Life, raising her nine siblings.

Her father who toiled in the landlords farm from dawn to night on a meager pittance had died of a snake bite even as her mother was expecting the tenth child.She had been only thirteen and still a child when the burden of the entire family descended on her frail shoulders.

The small hovel at the edge of the vast estate the landlord he worked for was their only home.
She had to now care for the whole family, the owner agreed to let her family stay on if she would work in the main house as a maid, cook, cleaner, gardener, care taker, nursemaid..in short she did everything silently and without any fuss.

So she was awake by 4 AM morning at her hovel, caring for her mother and siblings, sending the older ones to the nearby Municipal School.
 All  the work at home had to be done so she could scramble over to the main house where her never ending chores began by 6 AM.
Sweeping the entrance,  drawing the design with rice powder, she then cooked, filled buckets of water drawn from the well.
Quickly bathing herself before the household woke she then entered the Kitchen where she did housework till mid afternoon. Grinding the batter for the daily crepes(dosas), rice steamed salted cupcakes(idlis) or other snacks, she was on call till the large household had breakfast.
She cooked huge quantities of lentils, rice, spicy dishes according to the menu decided by the Lady of the house.
Her smiling face, quick and efficient work was noticed by the Old Lady, The Matriach of the household who insisted she have a substantial breakfast so she could go about her housework.

Her mother came over later to help with laundry, cleaning the huge acres of land, watering the gardens, weeding, planting,shopping for grocery.
This gave her some free time in the afternoon when she attended school so she could continue her education, as the Old Lady insisted upon it.

Her slender lovely looks and graceful beauty soon attracted the attention of the Landlord, now a widower. 

The father of three children, his wife had died at the birth of the third child who was older than her. 
He forced himself on her when he wanted. She had to stay on at the household at his insistence so he could have her when he had the urge. She was fortunate that he was diabetic so could not use her sexually but he made her wait on him and had other cravings she had to satisfy.

She bore all this stoically so her own family could grow and flourish. 
Her siblings grew up and moved on in life.
As each one graduated and accepted a job, she helped them get married and start a family.
They soon moved out to carve out their own destiny.

Her Mother passed in her sleep one day as she never woke up.

Looking back on her Life as she visited a place of worship with the Old Lady of the Household, she prayed silently and bit back tears. Quietly she willed her tears to stop as she packed for the trip back to the household.

"I will ask him to marry you so the family house will be yours some day, the children are grown up and have no need of the ancestral  property as they have settled abroad". The Old Lady gently informed her.
True to her word the small ceremony to legalize the wedding was conducted that week.

She was now the wife of the Landlord.

Her marital status was short lived.
He passed within a month as the injured toe turned septic due to his diabetic condition and did not heal.

His children did not even come for the funeral.

She continued to live in the huge house and took over the duties of managing the vast acres, farmlands, and estates they owned.
She enrolled in an online course, got her degree in Agriculture .
Her focus and hands on approach, generous and helpful attitude helped her understand that new methods had to be incorporated to manage and produce better crops and output.

The next few years flew by as she tenderly cared for the Old Lady who she had come to love.

The terse letter arrived one day from her only step daughter.

She would give birth to a child out of wedlock but was not expected to survive as she had AIDS.
The child would be sent to her with the adoption papers when she was no more and this was her dying wish and request .

So at the age of thirty eight she was a mother of her step daughters son.

Seeing the tiny tot who had been flown in from the US after his birth, she took in the hapless child of her only daughter by marriage, raised him on her own as she accepted the dying apology of her wayward step daughter.
She never questioned his parentage but took him into her heart to raise him with all her maternal love and wisdom.

 Widowed early in life, the second wife to an elderly man whose step daughter resented her and caused only heart ache, she now had to nurture a new life barely a few hours old.

He could only remember her love of Life.
The vast fields where he ran barefoot, played with the children of those who labored in the fields made him love the land and the life.

She got back her will to live as The Old Lady who was in her  late eighties seemed to be overjoyed at the turn of events.

Watch your words the heart is listening

Watch your words, the heart is listening
Hear the sounds ,the soul is grieving
Feel the longing, the eyes are brimming
Touch the heart, life is for living!

 How can one ever get over the sorrow?

The pain is still fresh, eyes well up and throat swells up choking the soul. He reasons that moving on is the only way but the intensity does not let up.
Her serene, gentle face is what he is searching for every where. The patient coaxing, soothing remedies, constant encouragement, persistent faith that he would finally overcome his timid, shy nature and excel in what he decided to do.
Third grade reading lessons, he was too scared to read in class, so she taught him to picture her face on the book and read out as if to her.
It worked and he was overjoyed with the teachers pat and the golden star that was pinned on his lapel for the week.
Overnight he seemed to bloom, his dedication coupled with her gentle prodding, he was over the moon.
His chechi, who protected him from his fierce Father, his cowering/ever sick mother, his four older brothers who lived in fear of the wrath Father unleashed when drunk.

She did all the house work, cooking, cleaning, washing up .He looked out for her when classes were over, she always stood there with a smile, a snack and  cool drink of water, picking up his school bags,  asking him about the day, wiping his face tenderly.

Then she was no more.

He did not understand what happened or why no one would talk about her.The family moved back to the old home in Kerala and he was sent off to a boarding school. Being the youngest and never close to his siblings he felt lost and bewildered. Taking to his books, he found solace in them as he would always picture her face smiling and urging him on.

Life went on, the nuns and priests at the school were kind as he was a quiet, introspective child.

He did well in studies, got a scholarship, applied for studies abroad as he had to get away from the depressing household, his large family meant nothing to him.

He was an adult now, well set in life.
Today, the anniversary of her vanishing from his life, he brooded anew.
Scrolling the face book friends list he recollected one name and face.
His sisters friend who always had a kind word for him and who had helped him during the traumatic days following her loss.
Thoughtfully he sent a gentle message ,introducing himself as she appeared to be online.

The coffee pot shrilled, he opened his eyes to see her reply.
Yes, she did remember him, and wanted to know how he was doing, where he was settled?
By a strange coincidence she was in a town about two hours drive from his apartment in Toledo, Ohio.

'Can I come over, today is--' he choked as he could not complete the sentence.
Yes, do come and join us for lunch, you can stay the weekend as the family will be over too'.
She invited him over.
Knowing this could be his only chance of finally finding the missing information that eluded him for
two decades, he was soon on his way, driving to her location.

She was just as he had pictured her to be.
The sight of her in a simple, elegant starched cotton saree, the string of jasmine flowers adorning her hair, the decorated walls of the elegant house, the smell of sandalwood and camphor reminded him of the days he had wandered around her large sprawling house which he often visited as a child with his  loving sister.
He sat at the large well decorated dining room as she served  Indian crepes (dosas) and filter coffee.
They talked about his achievements as Chief of HR in General Motors, she was a Professor at the University near by, teaching Science to Graduate students.
Her husband was Head of the Department in Physics and was on deputation to Japan.
Her son worked for Apple in Cuppertino, San Jose.
Her Daughter would be home soon, she was a veterinary Doctor and had her own Animal Clinic downtown.

Gently drawing him out, she probed the reason for his sorrow.
His point blank question had her sitting still as he explained why he just had to know what had transpired almost two decades ago to the day.
Quietly, she began talking, her only request was that he should not interrupt her as she talked.

His sister had been her best friend in class, they confided everything to each other.

Even when things at her household had soured, they held on. Her mother had a hysterectomy after the birth of the seventh child who was still born.
Oomana, his sister, stopped attending school as she had to take care of her siblings and her mother who was by then, very sick physically. The medicines she had been having to ease the pain and the trauma of losing the child and her womb, already in a weakened state after repeated childbirths,seemed to have affected her brain. She was mentally unstable and took to bed.

The misery started when her father turned to her since the mother was unable to satisfy his needs.

At fifteen, she was abused by him and bore him a son...the tears in her eyes confirmed what he had suspected but had not questioned.

She was his mother and sister too.

Life went on as she held the family together for another eight years.

Then her mother passed ,and he began his torture again.

This time she resisted him during his drunken bout but he had hit her head on the wall.Her dying declaration was that her son should be a ward of the state and not allowed to be in his fathers' care.

She, who had just started as a lawyer, stepped in and confirmed that he was sent to a boarding school, away from the family's reach.

His expenses were met from her share of the family property, the tharawad.

Silently each one re-lived the sacrifice of the loving, gentle soul they both grieved for on that day.

The sound of the car alerted them. 
Wiping her eyes, she mimed the Zip the Lip Act, even as her daughter breezed in with two puppies in tow, their tails wagging.

'Amma, look what I got you today'.
The slender, slim, long legged beauty took his breath away.

Quickly they were introduced ,the topic shifted and the weekend passed by in a blur.

They kept in touch and forged a relationship that two years later seemed strong and lasting.

He risked it all by quietly telling her the truth about himself.
Her dazzling smile and adoring eyes told him she had known it all along and that she loved him for overcoming it all,  the lonely childhood, the struggling years, the enduring capability.
They loved one another for who each one was and there were no skeletons in the cupboard now.

The wedding was a quiet affair and the couple flew to Kerala to see the land that was native to both the families.

Within the family temple, the lone statue seemed strangely content as they performed their prayers after almost twenty two years to appease the passing of a departed soul.
The sense of peace and longing lingered as they sat in the twilight each wondering and drinking in the view.

 THE END




=========================================================================
By the author...
" The still pond, the tall palms,
 the gentle swaying of lush greens, the sloping red tiles,
 the fragrance of sandalwood paste, the chimes of the bells,
 the chants of mantras as the village folk trickled in.
 The evening prayers after a days hard toil - a typical evening visit of Palakkad inhabitants
the flora and fauna surrounding the calm stillness, the thulasi tharai.
The eyes brim with memories of childhood days "


 I pen these words in recollection of my dearest friend OMANA.

"If wishes come true,then come back to us as our children will soon have a baby who we will name after you,my dear sister"
So saying, she finally broke down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge |

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : SENSES ON ALERT

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : SENSES ON ALERT

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : The floating leaf flowing down the river of Life

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : The floating leaf flowing down the river of Life

leaves are not blue

Can you tell me why?

When the leaves turn color in the fall, there are no blue leaves. We have virtually every other color of the spectrum, but no blue. There are purple and maroon leaves, and these two color have a component of blue in them, so there is blue pigment in there somewhere. But leaves are never blue. We do have blue in nature, such as blue flowers, so there are blue pigments. I am aware that the colors come from the pigments Carotenoids and Anthocyanins. The purple comes from the anthocyanins. And that they are present year round, but masked by the chlorophyll (whose green also contains a component of blue, along with yellow) in summer. But I have been unable to determine why the color blue never appears by itself, as every other color does. In addition to the chemical reason, I am also curious if there might be some evolutionary reason causing the chemistry that results in every color but blue (or prevents blue). A friend of mine (a former park naturalist) who was the first to whom I had inquired about this hypothesized that blue pigment might filter out a wavelength that the chlorophyll needs. So it would be evolutionarily BAD to be blue, if you wanted to photosynthesize.
Perhaps yellow pigment would not do that, for some reason, but blue pigment would.

Source: http://scifun.chem.wisc.edu/CHEMWEEK/fallcolr/fallcolr.html
Energy capture and CO2 fixation occur in the chloroplasts of higher order plants – chlorophylls (chlorophyll-a and chlorophyll-b) are the most important pigments found in chloroplasts. Additional “accessory” pigments present in plants include carotenes such as B-carotene and xanthophylls.
The absorption spectra of the chlorophylls indicate two peaks of absorption in the visible region, one in the blue and one in red wavelengths, 450-495 and 620-750 nm, respectively. The relative absence of absorption in the green region clearly illustrates why these pigments give plants and much of the world a greenish color (i.e., green wavelengths are reflected and not absorbed by the chlorophylls). Leaves of a few varieties of trees such as copper beech and Crimson King Norway and Japanese maples are red or purple because of the presence of anthocyanin pigments that occur in the cell sap of the vacuole rather than in the chloroplasts. Anthocyanin pigment, with their intense absorption of solar radiation in the photosynthetically active blue wavelengths, protects the photosynthetic apparatus from oxidative damage.

Anthocyanin pigments, responsible for the pink, red, and purple colors are related to the carbohydrates and carbohydrate accumulation favors their formation. Anthocyanins and glycosides formed by reactions between various sugars and complex cyclic compounds called anthocyanidins – they are water soluble and usually occur in the cell sap of the vacuole. Anthocyanins usually are red in acid solution and may become purplish to blue as the pH is increased. The amount of anthocyanin pigments depends primarily on the possession of certain hereditary potentialities for their production, but environmental factors also have an influence. As chlorophyll synthesis stops, the chlorophyll already present begins to decompose chemically and the newly formed anthocyanins are unmasked. In those species that do not form anthocyanin pigments, the autumn breakdown of chlorophyll unmasks the relatively more stable yellow carotene and xanthophylls pigments; or there may be an admixture of red anthocyanin pigment with yellow carotene to give a bright orange color, as in some species of maple. In other species both chlorophyll and carotenoids disintegrate simultaneously and new carotenoids are synthesized. Thus, by disintegration of green pigments and the unmasking of yellow ones, the formation of red pigments, or all three, the leaves may assume various shades of yellow, orange, crimson, purple, or red.

Carotenes (cell membranes; chloroplasts): absorb blue-green and blue wavelengths; thus the light reflected appears yellow to our eyes.
Anthocyanins (not attached to cell membranes; cell sap): absorb blue, blue-green, and green wavelengths; thus the light reflected appears reddish to our eyes.
Chlorophylls (cell membranes; chloroplasts): absorb red and blue wavelengths; thus the light reflected appears green to our eyes.
Carotene & Chlorophyll: absorb red, blue-green, and blue wavelengths; thus the light reflected appears green to our eyes.

So, a very general answer to the title question may be the general theme associated with the major pigments found within native plant leaves: blue wavelength light is generally absorbed and not reflected. Hence, there are few true blue-colored summer or autumn leaves. Of course, there are exceptions.

 I am still on the look out for blue leaves.
If any one spots it , please let me know?

The floating leaf flowing down the river of Life

THE FLOATING LEAF

Like the leaf that floats because
one surface caresses the water
 the other the sun
One must always know
that if the child holds on
with the left hand
 with the right
 one must to let go ...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                             The floating leaf on the flowing river
   
He graduated magna cum laude.

The degree was the culmination of years of hard work,steady focus,dedication and struggle to find his bearings in a foreign land.The doctorate degree did not mean automatic financial freedom as jobs were not easy to come by.Immigration rules and a downturn in the economy meant the struggle had just begun.

The story began a few years ago.

The good news was that as a research scholar his fees had been waived and the Graduate Assistance and his scholarship paid him just enough to keep his head above water.He had no student loans.
By shared accommodation with some others he had adjusted his life so far.The small amount he squirreled away teaching undergraduate students was just enough to buy an used car and the down payment for the condo near the University.
He would continue his research work till he would hopefully be hired by the Automobile Industry.GM,Ford,Chrysler he had interviewed for them and now waited for the outcome.The sense of pride and joy his family felt when he was awarded the degree did ease the loneliness, he had not gone back to visit them since arriving here almost seven years back.

The heaviness of his heart was his inability to send home money to help his family conduct the marriage of his younger sister who assured him she was content working with a non profit group that helped abandoned children and women.
The message from his neighbor was terse, the potential groom wanted a car,money to pay off the farm land they had just added to the acreage.

Recollecting the weary look of his mother as she toiled alongside his father and sister to eke out a living from their small landholding back home,he knew what a life she would be heading to.
 The other option was convincing his parents to send her to college where she was keen on doing a degree in Computer Science.Knowing her passion for Math and Science he knew she would excel in her field.

Well,he recollected the notice back at the Student Center where a group of Biochemistry students were discussing heatedly.
 Snatches of conversation which made no sense at that time had him back tracking.So he could donate for research and make enough for a quick trip home.
 Being a man of action,he listed the pros and cons.He would meet his family and see them,using the month long summer break.After all the whole process was ethical and confidential,no one would know that he had donated his sperm for the research being conducted to study some new clinical trials.

Soon the forms were filled,the test tubes collected,blood tests done,donation accepted,payment made and tickets booked for his flight home.
Delighted to be going back he used his small stash to buy some essential items for his family and soon winged home.
  
 

  The happiness of his family was worth it,he decided as he watched the cows being milked,the fields watered,crops threshed..
Village life did not change ,his parents were older ,sister looked so mature and grown up.
 The harvest was good and they discussed family finances.
 Arguing on her behalf he stood his ground,got his parents permission to send her to the city to pursue higher studies
 .She was delighted and quick to fill in the forms online as the submission date was almost due.

The air seemed light suddenly,now that the decision was taken.Then came the bombshell.

His uncle walked in with a booming voice,'So we finalize the wedding,when?'

The details were soon filled in,the Minister representing their area was ready to offer a large dowry,waive off all the loan outstanding and even offer a house if he was ready to wed his daughter.The ego and prestige of having a foreign settled son in law with a doctorate was an added feather in his cap,the minister reasoned.
On the horns of a dilemma,Visva was silent,his sisters' call saved him from voicing his thoughts.
 She, a mature,loving ,understanding young woman reasoned with him,talked him into meeting the potential bride,explaining they needed to understand her thought process too.
She must be feeling hurt too, maybe they could find a way out without inviting the wrath of the local powers who held sway.

The meeting with Sri,his intended bride was poignant.
Cool,collected and confident,she was very careful to state that her views were not that of her parent who had his own reasons.Viswa was in two minds but the odds were stacked against the alliance.
They agreed it was not a good idea and she diplomatically decided to reason with her father.

Convincing him she was not ready ,she explained the injustice he was foisting on the family.

 The Minister understood the thought process of his only daughter as they bonded for the first time since the seven years of his wifes' passing.He released the farmlands that had been mortgaged and waived off the initial interest on the loan the family had taken to send him abroad(the interest had built up to a few lacs).

The good news continued.
His letter of immediate appointment at Chrysler to head their 2016 model was welcome news.
Life moved on,his dedication and sincerity soon had him as Chief of the Project.

Life again played a hand as  two years later, he was on the interview Board facing the girl who refused to be a pawn in her fathers ambition for political gain.
She joined as an intern and was a quick study.
Three years later they decided they understood each other and wed on their own terms.

Fate intervened again.
Work hazard due to constant exposure at the factory,had robbed his capacity to have children.
 Their acceptance of this shattering truth enhanced their already deep feelings.

A few days later he opened a letter form his college wondering what the cryogenics department wanted,maybe funds for research.
The information stunned him into hopeful silence.
Two samples of the five vials he had given seven years back for a clinical study was with them and they needed permission to destroy it.

Gathering his scattered wits,he explained the whole story to Sri who agreed that an in vitro fertilization would be their only hope.
Fate smiled on the couple and nine months to the day they were overjoyed to see their healthy baby boy who smiled and gurgled ,delighting all family members,the two sets of grandparents and his lovely aunt who was now an IT professional in the US with a Post graduate degree in IT.

The Doctor who had helped with the in vitro conception was present when the baby was brought home.Meeting a single Indian girl seemed like a godsend as with the limited time for social interaction he rarely chanced to meet any.Her open,sweet nature and involvement in a field so different from his own meant they would not clash over work,they soon developed a rapport leading to a lifelong commitment.

So little Aasman grew up happily with his loving parents and grandparents ,with uncle/aunt and his infant cousin sister Anya close by.

The family always discussed how fate had dealt them all a winning hand or maybe they had won with the cards they had been dealt with.

Patience,caring and understanding won the day.

• Write a comment...

Facing the facts - finding roots - life is for the living

FINDING ROOTS

Sajivan was the youngest of four brothers and had a little sister Jyoti. The children lived in this small but select cove with their grandparents who raised sheep, goats, hens, ducks and cattle.They also tilled and farmed the small plot of land leading a quiet, secure life.
Jyoti was just too little, maybe a week old when his mother abandoned them with her parents and left for Bombay as the older children lived  with their father. The family in Bombay never reached out to them ever again.

The story starts here.

The elderly couple whose only daughter had run off with the senior Meteorological representative (who had been deputed to set up a rain water measuring instrument in the remote location) were worried and tense.
It had been a long decade since she had left them and they had no idea where she was or the kind of life she lead.
Then one night she was at the doorstep with a tiny boy and pregnant, almost due-In fact she collapsed and the little girl was born right before their eyes.Worn and exhausted the mother seemed semi conscious for almost a week, and then did the disappearing trick again - this time leaving behind her two babies.
Not a word about her life, family, future......she trusted them to do the right thing.

They were in their fifties - strong,capable and god fearing. 
Accepting that the good Lord knew best, they took the infants into their hearts and nurtured them.

Life teaches us lessons,they had hopefully learned theirs.
 
They were more tolerant now and loved the infants,cherished them,taught them every thing they knew.                                                                                                                                                                                    Village life in simple minimalistic surroundings meant hard work,knowing Nature,living

by the law of the land,foraging for food,living off the sea,being one with the Seasons.The village school was accessible by canoes to the mainland.The family sold the eggs,poultry,cattle produce like milk,cream,yoghurt,farm yields,fruits,berries,medicinal plants,roots,tubers  in the main land.The children schooled there,played,met others and enjoyed life.The temple was their main stay,they supplied flowers,fruits,sandal wood,camphor,incense sticks to the tourists who came in hordes during certain festivals.
Their life centered around the children who grew up strong ,well cared for,loving,obedient and self sufficient.
The task seemed colossal,the old man now in his early sixties  sometimes looked up the vast canopy of branches and sighed,but they enjoyed life and never  questioned the effort and love they cherished on the little ones.
The children went on to high school nearby and came home during the weekends.The grandparents now in their seventies
 needed looking after and were not able to fund the education.They jointly decided to pawn the gold and jewellery as well as a large tract of land to pay for the expenses,School days were done and college meant going off to the big city which they feared as they had lost their daughter there.

Fear overcame them and they had to explain why they were unwilling to let them go on to pursue their future dreams.
The family sat down and talked,The children understood for the first time that they were with their grandparents and wanted to connect with their parents.
Sajivan had topped the qualifying exams. He had just been admitted into an Ivy league University.His search to locate his family and siblings paid off when he traced them to a remote location in Kurla,Mumbai.
He set out  to go beyond the state boubdaries for the first time to seek his mother .The vague memory of her holding him and shielding his tiny body against the fierce downpour and the fact that she had entrusted his sister and his future to her parents was his only hope that she cared.
The train journey was long and tiring ,seeming endless.The 3 wheeler dropped him in a filthy locality,mostly dominated by barbers,fisher mongers, footwear vendors..the street was noisy,narrow,dirty and he had no idea where to search or whom he would ask for help.

The mosque seemed a safe place to start,he reasoned.
He quietly asked for the chief and informed his reason and who he was looking for.
Mohammed Salim, a Government employee who worked for the Meteorological Department at Colaba  was all he has to go by.He did not know if his mother was married to him or who his father was,so he said he was a relative from Kerala and inquiring on behalf of his relatives back home.The throng of devout Muslims who had gathered for the evening prayers discussed quietly as he stood watching.
Prayers over,the senior member of the assembly beckoned.
He was invited in and asked a lot of Questions.He answered honestly.
They informed him that a family who lived far off in a shabby hutment  along the Railway track, fit the description.

He was led away in the twilight.Not knowing what to expect,he stopped to buy some bananas,apples,a carton of milk.They would need it anyway whoever they were,he reasoned.

 

The area was littered with human excreta and animal waste.The tanning area where leather was made,meant the carcass lay rotting alongside.He longed for the clean,green,lush fields back home.Overcoming revulsion,he forged on till he saw the dilapidated hut.Quickly pullin out a few coind he handed it over to the street urchin who had led him here.
Should he call out?
Will she be there/what would she look like/how would she react/would she welcome him in or refuse to accepy..the thoughts made his head swim....

The smoke from a coal open stove was all he could see.The small form huddled over blowing the embers as she heated a dirty pan caught his attention.
'Amma' he called out gently..not wanting to scare the lonely ,scarred,pitiful lady who had somehow saved the life two of her children.
She turned to look at him and he knew without a doubt that she was the same loving mother who had decided that her parents would protect and nurture at least two of her children.
The same gentle eyes of his grandfather,the profile of his grandmother,her look conveyed that she knew he would come looking for her.

Come sit down and tell me everything,she said quietly in his mother tongue.
He embraced her and they wept.

The older siblings had all abandoned her.She was alone.
After her return all hell had broken.His father who already had three more wives had discarded her.
She somehow managed to feed and keep the family together but his brothers,used to abuse and ill treatment since birth knew no other way of life.She worked as a maid and fed them for as long as she could before one by one they walked off and now she was alone,staying on the street.

He gave her the fruits and milk,she seemed overwhelmed.
I have come to take you home, amma.
He drank the tea,they ate the fruits,he slept by her side in the dirty,worm infested hovel ,promising himself he would leave the next day.She was firm,she would not go back as she suffered from tuberculosis and malnutrition and did not deserve their love.
He patiently explained that God forgives everyone,She would be admitted to the Municipal ward,with the help of the Mosque clergy,receive treatment and they would return when she recovered.The story would be that she was widowed and the older siblings were in the Gulf countries as this was partly true ,at least about one of them.
He joined the IIT Campus at Vikhroli, where he had secured a merit scholarship with full fee waiver and a stipend.
His stay at the dormitory meant he could use the money he earned tutoring fellow students to pay for the treatment and medicine.The recovery was slow and at the end of four years,she was stronger both in health and spirit as she had taken a course in tailoring and now was adept in marking,sewing and tailoring  fabric.The bond between mother and son grew.

Four years later....
Sajivan had his engineering degree.They both boarded the Trivandrum Express from Kurla,the evening sun shone and the departing train faded  into the twilight on the way home to forge a complete family of grandparents,a prodigal daughter , and grandchildren.
Her heroic act had saved the two children from a life of abuse,poverty.
Her parents had been given a new lease of life.
Her children had grown up to be decent,upright citizens.
She smiled gently,the train swayed hooting its way home...

She could see the lovely green swaying fields,the canoe that would take her home.The family would welcome her with open arms.

She closed her eyes as the soul left her body,at last free of  worries, now  that her two youngest had found their way in Life.
They would remain Sajivan Menon and Jyoti Menon the children of Radhakrishnan Menon and Satya Menon who had brought them up,taught them to live and love.
She had made her peace with life.