When I saved me from myself

Being the youngest in an impoverished family meant she was almost always neglected. Her love of the written word helped out at school where she got some food in her belly, but the hand me downs and ragged footwear, clothes made her cringe.

Today at show and tell, she had to showcase something unique. being observant she had spied upon the widow and her pool abound with green roses. What a rare find, if only she could take a couple to show in class- but how?

Feeling small and lost, she timidly walked up, holding a peace banner aloft. " Ma'am, You have lovely green roses, can I please ask what the plant is and how it grew so quickly- it is for show and tell at school".

The widow who was feeling lonely and grieving, beckoned the waif, allowed her to watch. She snipped a few rooted plants and wrapping it in a bottle with water, handed it over. She asked the little girl to visit her on the way back from school. Welcoming her back, she invited her in, fed her, gave her warm clothes, books, food, shoes and insisted she stop by daily to keep her company.

Thus began a simple relationship that she cherished even as she walked her own little ones to school.

Love and family is how we work relationships into our lives.

When one hits a speedbreak.

Ravi was going through the motions. In the country he had chosen to work in, shunted around, he moved from one job to the next wherever they shuffled him. Chicago, Detroit, Nebraska, he had no moorings.
Marriage seemed distinctly unreachable in Life. One sister with her infant son, had come home to the parents. He had to support his aged parents and her.
Just how much more complicated can it get?

Now this--
The news was shocking indeed. His brother, just turned 40, was no more.
What?
Pulmonary embolism or deep vein thrombosis, he now knows is a blood clot that is a silent killer. One or more arteries of the lung gets blocked when a blood clot gets lodged, preventing flow of blood to the lungs. Often, the person suffering has no idea, except for a sense of chest pain and weakness. His brother had visited a doctor who suggested he get admitted for a checkup, but did not stress just how serious the condition was. Being late in the day, he decided a hospital visit the next morning would suffice, only to feel agony in the early morning hours. The mad dash to the emergency center at 2 AM, could not save him- he passed on leaving behind a wife and two children aged 7 and  2 years.

Ravi rushed home to hold the family together. Money held no power, he could not bring his brother back to Life, filing a criminal case against the famous heart surgeon seemed futile. Helpless, he just went through the motions.

Three weeks later, he returned to be relocated to a project in Canton Michigan. As a house guest, the family he stayed with heard him quietly. Two months later, he felt better and in control when the realization hit him. His brother had been through a lot but gambling and drinking was not the way out. The family was in a better place now, the children were thriving. His sister in law was offered a job at the brothers' office under the  survivors benefit scheme. She held it all together, his parents were well cared for as she seamlessly worked her magic. 

Old wounds healed and hope opened new horizons.

Oh, he had been so caught up, he never paid rent or for the food he consumed, home cooked meals, hot, tasty and nourishing. Vegan food at its best, organic, fiber filled, fruits and vegetables, he had not even missed eating flesh foods, smoking habit was forgotten, his promotion at work kept him busy.

Quickly calculating his savings the amount staggered him, the old couple were living on a small pension but never asked him to pay for boarding and lodging. they were always there to hear him lament his lot, he never heard their story.

Well, time to make amends. This long weekend he decided to take them on a trip to watch the cherry blossoms in bloom. stocking well on good organic food, he drove them around, waited to witness the joy seeing the world through their eyes. 

The TV he had bought for Thanksgiving, the WiFi signal booster, the new Apple phone he got would better serve his loving hosts.

They showed him that Life goes on, when one door closes, another opens.

life goes on..

slice and dice, come out.

They sat apart, across the narrow bench at the rest area.
Two wandering souls, each seeking meaning, swaying in the winds of uncertainty.
Words made sense? Not anymore, each wondered why they even existed in a meaningless world.

All was not lost however.
The conversation went so-

"Inane eh?"

"Uhm, better than an erudite slice and dice."

"Thought only crudites were sliced and diced."

"Thoughts too."

Would you believe the two drifters, each so entrenched in a lifestyle so quenching, it was like being bogged into quicksand---

A tinkle of pure glee sounded, a child's laughter, from across the dappled scene.

The dazzle of colors on a winged dragonfly caught their fancy.
Moving along the water body, thoughts sliced across as the insect flew over the darkened waters, glimmering irridescently.

They were each trying to make sense of Life. One, a lawyer, pulling in money settling fraud cases. The other, a computer geek, building firewalls to protect trade secrets.

But life held no meaning, till they broke out to walk about across the huge pond, watching Nature come alive.

"Do you want company, I am single, clean, no family around, open to male bonding" - tentative feelings quiver across the fog building up this late October weekend.


A quick intake of breath, the 6 foot, slender, long limbed beauty, stretched even as the tank top revealed swatches of glistening color.

Well proportioned and sinewy, the longing to be held and comforted, overcame hesitation.
They came together and cuddled into the warmth society frowned upon.
Moved to another state where they could live together.
Yes, each worked in a field that did not pin them down to a locale.

Compact, clasping, coming close California.

Love is beautiful, fluid, mystical as feelings breathe out.

The peal of laughter sealed the union of lonely souls.
Yes, they could have surrogate babies, one each.
The lawyer longed for a baby girl to rekindle his joy of dressing up and keeping house.
The computer nerd hoped for a boy, who played the graphic games he brought to Life.

Two years later, their twins arrived, they paid off the debts of the medical student for full custody of the children.
The girl closely follows the games while the boy is elegant and fashion conscious.
Life well lived.

stand apart for you are meant to be

“.....And lets stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.” Khalil Gibran.

When that moment comes the indifference is revealed, it is one of the most devastating experiences one can endure.

“Unfaithful” by Shriver & Shriver (2009) is a book that tells a story of a Jewish woman who survived the Holocaust, came to America and got married. Years later, her husband bailed and left her. She described this as, “the most painful experience of my life.”

Surviving in a strange land is not for the weak of heart. Thriving in the face of  abandonment requires courage.

I’ve, like many, been  swept on but when indifference was revealed, I felt as though I’d swallowed ice water. The blood pounded in my ears. I was crushed and had no idea how I would survive this blow, let alone thrive through it.

The pain and betrayal left me whirling. It took me some time to get my feet beneath me again. Slowly, I began to rebuild my life. Like the sun peeking through on a dark day, I began to feel my spirit rise.

Some of the lessons I learned in that process may help those of you who are in the painful throes of an identity crisis.

I learned how to stand on my own again. Scared and alone, with the responsibility of two young lives fully dependent on me, I learned how not only to do my best but whatever was necessary.

I learned that my self-image is not contingent upon another but rather comes from within. I was able to separate his infidelity from my image. I realized that it reflected something about him, not about me.

I learned how to take responsibility for my part in the marriage failing. I learned the ways in which I contributed to the demise and was able to shift my behavior to avoid making the same choices again.

I learned how to deeply believe in myself. When the truth was revealed, I recognized that I had already known but hadn’t followed my hunch. Now, I know that when I know something, even without proof, to trust it.

I learned that despite being betrayed in the most painful of ways, I could trust again. I realized that trust is a choice we make and that I could choose to hold every person accountable for their choices or I could let the responsibility lie where it ought to—on the shoulders of those who chose to take this path.

I learned how to cultivate happiness and bliss on my own. I learned how mastering my thoughts helped me to master my feelings, which then helped me to choose my actions.

In short, I became the woman I was always meant to be when I was stripped bare of all of the illusions, stories, and counterfeit dreams I’d unwittingly bought into. When it all fell apart, I was left with nothing but my grit and unwavering devotion to creating a life of contentment.

When people ask me if I harbor negative feelings due to this experience, I can easily answer “no.”

In fact, I am grateful for it because the abandonment offered me a way out of an untenable situation, and without it, I may never have left.

Indeed, I am grateful because I became free.

When I realize that the bliss I’ve experienced may not have happened without that choice, I feel waves of gratitude wash over me.

We all have one Life to live and just a short time to accomplish all we want.

So be brave, take the plunge and just go ahead.

Obsessing over Life's minutiae

Gazing into the colorful scattered lights of dawn on a cold wintry morning early into the New Year, she sighed in relief.
The continuous snowfall had precipitated declaration of Snow-day, giving the time to finish submission of her paper on child management, she now obsessed on the approach.
Just how to hold a child's attention on a topic to instill the values of Life as society demanded?
Curbing natural enthusiasm would negate creativity, she reasoned.
Maybe visuals and participation would do the trick..hmm.

Would her efforts in amateur photography/ captioning pique the interest of a hyper active child?
Now she had the weekend to test and collate observations, she only had to get the family of the child who lived down her housing complex to co-operate. Having babysat the child on various weekdays she decided to just offer the harassed mother some relief, suggesting time off for shopping this weekend - she could use the money to buy colored printer ink to offset the graphics. Janet, the little girl, bright yet attentive, always lived in a world of her own making but was well behaved and articulate. Her reaction would be valuable, she had a complete different take on colors, smell, taste and words to express her view on the situation at hand.

The weekend produced the pictures in this write up, the words below are stereotypical while the words within are the child's reaction.
The photos are mine, the caption too- the add in words are the child's input.
The missing brick represented a forest, the rock rug through her eyes - Nature's carpet.
Now you decide if my paper was a success to get me the free ship for the next semester.
Here is another one to tilt your decision--

Natures carpet

I am now doing my final doctoral thesis and Janet spends all evening after school with me.
Her final one from us to you around the world- you can caption it and participate in this experiment too- thank you!

The Day I decided to NEVER, EVER give up.

No Matter What's Happening In Your Life Right Now, You Must Read This Short Story

ONE DAY I DECIDED TO QUIT

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with god

“God”, I asked,

“Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”.

His answer surprised me…

“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo ?

“Yes”, I replied.

“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light .I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.

“In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.” He said.

“Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”

He asked me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots”.

“I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.”

“Don’t compare yourself to others.” He said.”The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”"Your time will come”, God said to me.

“You will rise high”.

“How high should I rise?” I asked.

“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.

“As high as it can?” I questioned.”Yes.” He said, “Give Me glory by rising as high as you can.”

I left the forest and brought back this story.I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on

you. Never, Never, Never, Give up.

Don’t tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

The Lord here is the Supernatural , the creator of the Universe.

I returned, humbled.
Decided to work on my approach, rethink my options.
The problem resolved over time, I finally understood that Life has ups and downs.
Life is for LIVING.

Our Atlanta trip.

Of course, we just had to agree when our son sent us the tickets to spend a week with his family,
It included a 3 day long weekend and we could work around the time away, also spend the festival of Ganesh Chaturthi and sons birthday with the family.
Being a direct flight, it took just 4 hours from the time we left home to the time we reached home in Atlanta. The heat was tempered with a lot of breeze so it was refreshing.
After the family got together by early evening, ate the sweets and spicy delicacies I had made, we went for a walk in the woods behind the complex.

Sun dappled Nature walk ..The woods are lovely, dark and deep

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
And I have pounds I have to lose..
So we set off walking, following the path around the Lake.
Full of twists, turns, sharp rocks jutting, tree roots the size of limbs strewn about, The pine cones were abundant and I stopped to wonder at their beauty and symmetry.

The breeze was cooling as the heat bounced off our steaming bodies. The land here is a series of steep climbs, so the up and down terrain and 90+ temperature had me huffing and taking deep breaths.
I lamented the lack of perfumed flowers and smell of rich water drenched Earth. The lake water was still and shallow.



The area was marked every quarter mile to show runners the progress. and the pokeman symbol just added to the discussion of distracted driving.

Chattahoochee River in all its glory, reflecting the sky in its deep waters.


The sounds of rumbling trucks sounded magnified  as it clamored above on I-75.

A dog swam in the water and soon some kids drifted into view on inflated yellow rafts, lazing in the sunlight.
The peaceful sight was a balm to my swirling mind.



Maybe, just maybe my wishes and hopes will come through after all.
One can only dream on..

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Random acts of care

Relax | Rewind | Recharge | : Random acts of care

Random acts of care

"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees"

~ Amelia Earhart

She inhaled the camphor from the small scentsy vial that he had given her the day he came to stay.

It calmed her when she got upset or worried, which was most of the Time.
She worried so much about just how he would strike out on his own. Life was tough enough , he was an exchange student from a developing country who would eat only vegan food.
He understood her anxiety.
She was lonely, a widow who rented out a room that was her late husbands office room that she had converted into a boarding so she could have some company to keep away the loneliness that overwhelmed her.

THE POEM THAT HEALED
There lies a valley deep within
The tangled jungles of the universe
The center of the four corners of the Star system
Where faeries live and songs do tell

Of a crystal sun and painted clouds
Mermaid fins and dolphin waves
Wales singing in the deepest of blue
Songs of old and songs of new

This valley and this sacred beach
Do speak to many
To many she shall teach
The ways of old the respect of Gaia

Reminding us children of her magnificent self
Giving always nurturing with her touch
Her smell and her sound
Her heartbeat forever radiating from the soft ground

I love you Mother 
I hear you in your Valley
In the wind and in the trees
In the glowing rainbow breeze.

In the sunsets and dewy dawn
In the bird song and windswept lawn
In the silence of the long summer nights
In the twitter of early morn

I am here for you- O Mother of mine
Bloodlines are not needed
To entwine, love and understanding 
Wins every time.

She found this poem addressed to her and felt the peace she was craving for all along.
Her husband smiled as she now had a living soul to mother and nurture again.